part 5...kinda goes off on a tangent, but it still wanted to come out. I am putting it in here still as well as the public forum, jic anyone feels safer responding in here :)
I suppose that’s all of the ‘nasty’ stuff out…
Its amazing how things can change when you get some decent support, and its interesting and annoying (to me anyway) how people make assumptions about my current feelings/opinions based on stuff that happened back then…even knowing that I was not well then at all.
Because I had a c/s then I must be pro c/s, pro women being able to choose having c/s’s etc, I’m not allowed to say, you know, I did the wrong thing, it was stupid, I wish I didn’t have one.
I haven’t even attempted to say to anyone (other than the few I am sharing this with atm) yet that I didn’t get the help I needed then, and that I feel ripped off by the ‘care’ provided by the psychiatrist… I feel I know already what ‘people’ (family of course) will say – ‘you got what you wanted’. Well sure…I was very mentally ill and got what I wanted…but did I get what I needed. No.
While I was pregnant with Indy, my older sister was also pregnant with her second child. She had an ‘emergency’ c/s with her firstborn after an attempted homebirth, so she was contemplating a repeat c/s…because it was ‘easier’, more ‘convenient’, she would be able to plan for the care of her other child for the time of ‘birth’ because she would know exactly when it would be. Unfortunately I think we shared similar fears of birthing, unfortunately I think I did what the psychiatrist did to me, to my sister. We would talk about c/s’s and I would reinforce her thoughts that it would be better for her…for us…to have one. Birth was scary, birth was unsafe, c/s’s meant control and none of the traumatic stuff we had gone through in our first birth experiences.
Since I have actually received proper psychological help and come to realise what happened I have noticed a change in the relationship with my sister.
She was one of the first people I told that I was pregnant, she was one of the first family members that I told that we were homebirthing…I thought she would share my excitement, having wanted one herself earlier. Nup.
Because I no longer share her view that c/s is okay, it is seen as a personal attack. Phonecalls used to be friendly, sisterly, loving, supportive.
Instead I find myself defending my birth choices, my life choices and my parenting choices…and I find that she has been leaking information to my mum, despite saying she wouldn’t.
She has never met my kids, yet takes offense already to their long hair, saying that I should cut it because they need to learn about society’s expectations. This moment of brilliant sisterly support came while I spoke to her about how upset I was that the ILs were taking issue with some of our parenting…she said how awful it was for them to be doing that…then started questioning all of my parenting herself, expecting me to justify it all to her and do it all as she says.
This is new. This, I feel, has happened because I dared to say I thought having a c/s was wrong and that I was going to homebirth.
My little sister had a baby last year. In early pregnancy she jokingly said to me, oh I’ll just get sliced and diced like you hey? Like as if a c/s was funny and completely okay. I was mortified that I could have passed on that kind of message to my teenage sister.
I had bad feelings about the way her pregnancy was going to end…she is small, petite, however the hell you want to put it and the seed of doubt was cast very early by a Dr questioning the width of her pelvis…*sigh*
There were plenty of women in her life that had had vaginal births, but despite their birthing ability everyone seemed all too happy to buy into the shit spun by Drs and I was the only one who would tell her she could do it, that the baby was not going to grow so large that it wouldn't fit out…nature doesn’t work that way.
Despite my efforts to boost her confidence she ended up with an ‘emergency’ c/s, and the ‘lovely’ ob told her, while stitching her up, that she should never attempt a vaginal birth again. What a fucking joke.
I am so angry for her, and I am the only one.
She was fucked over by the system, classic case of ‘failure to wait’, they were all too happy to blame her ‘tiny’ pelvis for their eagerness to cut her baby out…hell, they pushed her to have an epidural in labour ‘just in case’ they had to go to theatre!!!
Everyone else buys into the shit the ‘nice’ ob said, he is ‘nice’ and an ob, so he MUST be right! There’s no possible way that the fucking HUGE 6lb baby could possibly get out!
Because I am not afraid to vocalise my thoughts about what happened, I get odd looks from the family. Because I dare to question the legitimacy of the ‘emergency’, I get odd looks.
Because I dare to say that I don’t think c/s’s are safe, I get odd looks. I get the fucking ‘choice’ speech…I get the ‘c/s’s have their place’ speech.
No shit moron! They have their place…in REAL emergencies.
Not emergencies like the ob is too fucking impatient to wait for a labouring woman to dilate at her own speed.
When I was mentally ill and shouting out for a c/s I was enabled. People were more than happy to reinforce my fears and support me for a c/s.
Now that I am well and want a REAL birth, I am doubted, I am questioned, I get odd looks, I am expected to justify my feelings, and I receive much less support from those around me IRL.
C/s, not a solution for birth trauma.
Showing posts with label pregnancy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pregnancy. Show all posts
Friday, 27 June 2008
Thursday, 26 June 2008
Part 4...
The final weeks of Indy's pregnancy were a bit weird. I was relieved when at 32wks they finally booked a c/s for 39wks. Somehow I think I was already realising that I was taking a wrong turn, but it was far too late to do anything, and besides, those that had 'helped' me agreed with how I thought so this was the right thing to do...right?
While on one hand I was shit scared of labour, on the other I was happy that the c/s was at 39wks...later than they usually are, because I knew he would be that little bit more cooked...and really I would have gone as long as I could to make sure he was ready...if I could have been guaranteed that I wouldn't labour (which is impossible, but as you can see I was already admitting in my head that this was not entirely safe).
I suppose that's all there is of Indy's pregnancy...the c/s I remember very little of, and I cannot bring myself to say I gave birth to him (I don't feel I can about Jet either really) and even to say that he was 'born' I can't do it without the ' '... That wasn't a birth. It was a fucking catastrophe!
The c/s was a 'good' one, as far as c/s's go. No dramas, no trauma and I healed well. Indy had weird breathing so went to the nursery for a day or 2...antibiotics, formula etc, you know how it goes *rolleyes*
Breastfeeding ended almost as soon as it started because, surprise surprise, I was still quite emotionally unstable. Why no, the c/s didn't whisk away all that previous birth trauma and leave me feeling blissfully happy and able to parent 2 children like nothing had happened. It was still there, I wasn't afraid of labouring having had the baby already, but I started reliving the shitful experience of trying to breastfeed Jet. I knew I was not well. I knew I wasn't getting better...but because the trauma wasn't an issue now that I had had the c/s, I had to blame something else for my inability to function. So breastfeeding it was, and I stopped breastfeeding believing that it was sending me insane and that if I didn't stop I would end up on meds (and I HATE being on meds because they make me feel like a zombie).
I ended up on meds anyway. Yes the same psychiatrist that I saw throughout pregnancy ever so helpfully observed the same fucking symptoms I had before the baby was born, after the baby was born and in his wisdom diagnosed me with PND... What a fucking joke.
He also decided that I was 'too attached' (in his opinion) to my children, questioned my ways of parenting, and did the best thing he ever did for me...referred me onto a psychologist to talk about my 'attachment issues'. (Not before prescribing sleeping tablets to 'fix' my PND though...)
Said psychologist is a woman and a mother, she also happens to AP...we are the only other people each other knows IRL that has heard of The Sears.
Within weeks, much to the psychiatrist's disapproval, I was off meds and I had been diagnosed not with PND, but with PTSD. And not long after I stopped seeing the psychiatrist...he still didn't agree with the PTSD diagnosis either...
I think there is more, LOL.
While on one hand I was shit scared of labour, on the other I was happy that the c/s was at 39wks...later than they usually are, because I knew he would be that little bit more cooked...and really I would have gone as long as I could to make sure he was ready...if I could have been guaranteed that I wouldn't labour (which is impossible, but as you can see I was already admitting in my head that this was not entirely safe).
I suppose that's all there is of Indy's pregnancy...the c/s I remember very little of, and I cannot bring myself to say I gave birth to him (I don't feel I can about Jet either really) and even to say that he was 'born' I can't do it without the ' '... That wasn't a birth. It was a fucking catastrophe!
The c/s was a 'good' one, as far as c/s's go. No dramas, no trauma and I healed well. Indy had weird breathing so went to the nursery for a day or 2...antibiotics, formula etc, you know how it goes *rolleyes*
Breastfeeding ended almost as soon as it started because, surprise surprise, I was still quite emotionally unstable. Why no, the c/s didn't whisk away all that previous birth trauma and leave me feeling blissfully happy and able to parent 2 children like nothing had happened. It was still there, I wasn't afraid of labouring having had the baby already, but I started reliving the shitful experience of trying to breastfeed Jet. I knew I was not well. I knew I wasn't getting better...but because the trauma wasn't an issue now that I had had the c/s, I had to blame something else for my inability to function. So breastfeeding it was, and I stopped breastfeeding believing that it was sending me insane and that if I didn't stop I would end up on meds (and I HATE being on meds because they make me feel like a zombie).
I ended up on meds anyway. Yes the same psychiatrist that I saw throughout pregnancy ever so helpfully observed the same fucking symptoms I had before the baby was born, after the baby was born and in his wisdom diagnosed me with PND... What a fucking joke.
He also decided that I was 'too attached' (in his opinion) to my children, questioned my ways of parenting, and did the best thing he ever did for me...referred me onto a psychologist to talk about my 'attachment issues'. (Not before prescribing sleeping tablets to 'fix' my PND though...)
Said psychologist is a woman and a mother, she also happens to AP...we are the only other people each other knows IRL that has heard of The Sears.
Within weeks, much to the psychiatrist's disapproval, I was off meds and I had been diagnosed not with PND, but with PTSD. And not long after I stopped seeing the psychiatrist...he still didn't agree with the PTSD diagnosis either...
I think there is more, LOL.
Part 3...there's still more!
For a long time I carried guilt for the way Indy was 'born'. I always thought I had 'chosen' a c/s for myself, I didn't seek out help for my mental health issues and therefore it was my 'fault', I was to blame for the c/s. However I have recently, and I am talking only within the last few weeks, realised that I have been 'glazing' a few things over, and in my haste to feel the guilt (because I do it so damn well) I have 'forgotten' that I DID ask for help....I just didn't get it :(
My family knew that Jet's birth was not good, they knew that I wanted a c/s instead, they knew I was shit scared of labour...my own mother (a former telephone counsellor) saw me the night that I had been told that there was no reason for me to have a c/s. She saw my fear, my anxiety and me crying hysterically.
And yet not she, not ANYONE in my family ever asked about Jet's birth, nor did they try and step in to get me some psychological help.
At some point during the pregnancy, I can't remember when (I know it was after 24wks, because that's when my GP (who also catches babies) referred me to the obs at the women's clinic), after I had been told that they wouldn't give me a c/s, I went and saw the psychiatrist that I had been seeing off and on for a few years for depression and anxiety. Admittedly my motive was to get him to help me convince the obs that I was so mentally ill that a c/s was warranted, but well...that says it all really!!!
For some fucked up reason I just don't understand, despite me talking to him and telling him about my fear, the flashbacks and suicidal tendencies, he did indeed help me get the c/s. Nevermind the classic signs of PSTD, nevermind the bleedingly obvious fact that I was very VERY mentally ill, those things were not addressed at all. They were spoken of, but not treated. Instead they were used 'in my favour' to get the c/s. He wrote letters to the obs for me, telling them how scared I was and that he feared what I would do if I didn't get the c/s. And that is where I let go of the notion that a- I chose a c/s and b- that I had any fucking choice at all.
And yeah, I was suicidal, yeah I had pretty much said 'if I don't get a c/s I'm going to kill myself', but FFS, why not address the fucking problem????
Here was a mental health professional who I trusted and turned to in a very vulnerable and fucked up state, essentially taking away any ability of mine to choose anything by reinforcing my fears and enabling me to be railroaded by them into the lesser of 2 evils.
Not once did he talk about how to heal myself, not once was any further counselling suggested...instead I was left in the same fucked up state where I thought that I was 'making the right choice', because he AGREED with me.
still more...
My family knew that Jet's birth was not good, they knew that I wanted a c/s instead, they knew I was shit scared of labour...my own mother (a former telephone counsellor) saw me the night that I had been told that there was no reason for me to have a c/s. She saw my fear, my anxiety and me crying hysterically.
And yet not she, not ANYONE in my family ever asked about Jet's birth, nor did they try and step in to get me some psychological help.
At some point during the pregnancy, I can't remember when (I know it was after 24wks, because that's when my GP (who also catches babies) referred me to the obs at the women's clinic), after I had been told that they wouldn't give me a c/s, I went and saw the psychiatrist that I had been seeing off and on for a few years for depression and anxiety. Admittedly my motive was to get him to help me convince the obs that I was so mentally ill that a c/s was warranted, but well...that says it all really!!!
For some fucked up reason I just don't understand, despite me talking to him and telling him about my fear, the flashbacks and suicidal tendencies, he did indeed help me get the c/s. Nevermind the classic signs of PSTD, nevermind the bleedingly obvious fact that I was very VERY mentally ill, those things were not addressed at all. They were spoken of, but not treated. Instead they were used 'in my favour' to get the c/s. He wrote letters to the obs for me, telling them how scared I was and that he feared what I would do if I didn't get the c/s. And that is where I let go of the notion that a- I chose a c/s and b- that I had any fucking choice at all.
And yeah, I was suicidal, yeah I had pretty much said 'if I don't get a c/s I'm going to kill myself', but FFS, why not address the fucking problem????
Here was a mental health professional who I trusted and turned to in a very vulnerable and fucked up state, essentially taking away any ability of mine to choose anything by reinforcing my fears and enabling me to be railroaded by them into the lesser of 2 evils.
Not once did he talk about how to heal myself, not once was any further counselling suggested...instead I was left in the same fucked up state where I thought that I was 'making the right choice', because he AGREED with me.
still more...
Part 2...with more to come
Gah there is so much stuff trying to get out, I don't know which way to go first... I suppose I should talk a bit about Indy's pregnancy first and the shitty bits about it and then the rest sort of spins off from that...
So before I got pregnant with Indy the degree to which Jet's birth 'bothered' me, was that I could say it was awful, that I never wanted to 'do that again' (meaning labour/birth) and that next time I would much rather have a c/s. (Well, actually for about the first 6mths the idea of having another baby was a no go zone!) However, there was no sense of dread. There was fear, but I wasn't petrified. I knew I didn't really want to go through a labour like that again (well, any labour really), but I hadn't hit the hysterical point where I would rather die than do it again. I don't feel that I really had any PTSD symptoms before getting pregnant, and I know that its a bit odd for it to be that way (I don't mean odd in a bad way, just that stuff usually comes out within the first 3-6mths, and for me it wasn't till 9-12mths that it did), but once I got past the 1st trimester, once I realised that the baby did indeed have to come out somewhere and that (unusually enough) the obs/drs here were not keen to c/s at all, it all came out...and how!
Flashbacks started at some point, I dreamt about Jet's birth and even though I already had anxiety, it ramped up to a whole new level. I could go from 0 to fucking crazy within seconds and it was really quite a scary time.
Its all a bit hazy... I just remember being really angry all the time. Crying a lot because 'they' (drs/knobs) were going to force me to birth vaginally and really, had very little sympathy for what I went through. I remember at some point being offered counselling, but I said no because I thought it was part of their ploy to 'make' me birth vaginally...it was by a Dr I did not know well, to a counseller I had never heard of, even in my more 'sane' moments I would have been reluctant to take it on, but in the middle of what was essentially a mental breakdown, it was out of the question...it was a conspiracy.
I suppose what makes me the most uncomfortable when talking about Indy's pregnancy is not what I went through, or even that I went through it, but that I had a baby already in my care. So I wasn't just falling apart, I was falling apart while trying to take care of a baby (Jet and Indy are 18mths apart) and though I never physically harmed him in anyway, I did often yell at him in anger and unfortunately he did witness some of my out of control moments. (The only one I can still remember clearly is screaming in the kitchen something about killing myself while holding a kitchen knife to my throat...and he was right there... I *think* it was the evening after an ob appointment where they told me again that they saw no reason to give me a c/s)
Somehow our attachment stayed strong. I hope he doesn't remember any of it though!!!
more to come...
So before I got pregnant with Indy the degree to which Jet's birth 'bothered' me, was that I could say it was awful, that I never wanted to 'do that again' (meaning labour/birth) and that next time I would much rather have a c/s. (Well, actually for about the first 6mths the idea of having another baby was a no go zone!) However, there was no sense of dread. There was fear, but I wasn't petrified. I knew I didn't really want to go through a labour like that again (well, any labour really), but I hadn't hit the hysterical point where I would rather die than do it again. I don't feel that I really had any PTSD symptoms before getting pregnant, and I know that its a bit odd for it to be that way (I don't mean odd in a bad way, just that stuff usually comes out within the first 3-6mths, and for me it wasn't till 9-12mths that it did), but once I got past the 1st trimester, once I realised that the baby did indeed have to come out somewhere and that (unusually enough) the obs/drs here were not keen to c/s at all, it all came out...and how!
Flashbacks started at some point, I dreamt about Jet's birth and even though I already had anxiety, it ramped up to a whole new level. I could go from 0 to fucking crazy within seconds and it was really quite a scary time.
Its all a bit hazy... I just remember being really angry all the time. Crying a lot because 'they' (drs/knobs) were going to force me to birth vaginally and really, had very little sympathy for what I went through. I remember at some point being offered counselling, but I said no because I thought it was part of their ploy to 'make' me birth vaginally...it was by a Dr I did not know well, to a counseller I had never heard of, even in my more 'sane' moments I would have been reluctant to take it on, but in the middle of what was essentially a mental breakdown, it was out of the question...it was a conspiracy.
I suppose what makes me the most uncomfortable when talking about Indy's pregnancy is not what I went through, or even that I went through it, but that I had a baby already in my care. So I wasn't just falling apart, I was falling apart while trying to take care of a baby (Jet and Indy are 18mths apart) and though I never physically harmed him in anyway, I did often yell at him in anger and unfortunately he did witness some of my out of control moments. (The only one I can still remember clearly is screaming in the kitchen something about killing myself while holding a kitchen knife to my throat...and he was right there... I *think* it was the evening after an ob appointment where they told me again that they saw no reason to give me a c/s)
Somehow our attachment stayed strong. I hope he doesn't remember any of it though!!!
more to come...
A vent to lead to processing
I have been umming and ahhing about posting this for a while.
I initially posted it somewhere private and safe, I thought it was just a one off eruption of stuff that had to get out of my head...actually it has led to more stuff coming up that needs processing. So I have decided to post it here. A public place. However seeing as this is MY blog and a place for ME to post about MY stuff, I have turned on comment moderation...I don't fancy debating with people about my personal experiences and the feelings surrounding them.
The Vent:
Why did you not diagnose me with PTSD when I came to you, pregnant and in great need of help? How else would you care to explain the flashbacks? How could you not only sit by and watch me be railroaded by my fears, but enable me to be by not getting me proper psychological help and instead writing letters to ‘help’ me get a c/s.
I wouldn’t have ‘needed’ a c/s if instead of using my mental state and suicidal tendencies as a great way to ‘help’ me get a c/s, you used them in a fucking diagnosis.
Why yes, having a c/s at that point did potentially save 2 lives, but if proper care had been provided we would be alive and well and I wouldn’t have had to have surgery for it to be that way.
How could you go on to use the same symptoms I displayed throughout pregnancy to diagnose me with PND?
You failed me and I am so fucking angry.
To all the peoples out there that think previous birth trauma is a valid reason for c/s, you are so far off the fucking mark.
A c/s does nothing to address the real issues, it is absolute avoidance. The trauma isn’t healed and it sure as hell doesn’t go away. Instead it manifests and becomes deeper ingrained, how the fuck does a c/s serve to help that???
Fuck ‘choice’!
I initially posted it somewhere private and safe, I thought it was just a one off eruption of stuff that had to get out of my head...actually it has led to more stuff coming up that needs processing. So I have decided to post it here. A public place. However seeing as this is MY blog and a place for ME to post about MY stuff, I have turned on comment moderation...I don't fancy debating with people about my personal experiences and the feelings surrounding them.
The Vent:
Why did you not diagnose me with PTSD when I came to you, pregnant and in great need of help? How else would you care to explain the flashbacks? How could you not only sit by and watch me be railroaded by my fears, but enable me to be by not getting me proper psychological help and instead writing letters to ‘help’ me get a c/s.
I wouldn’t have ‘needed’ a c/s if instead of using my mental state and suicidal tendencies as a great way to ‘help’ me get a c/s, you used them in a fucking diagnosis.
Why yes, having a c/s at that point did potentially save 2 lives, but if proper care had been provided we would be alive and well and I wouldn’t have had to have surgery for it to be that way.
How could you go on to use the same symptoms I displayed throughout pregnancy to diagnose me with PND?
You failed me and I am so fucking angry.
To all the peoples out there that think previous birth trauma is a valid reason for c/s, you are so far off the fucking mark.
A c/s does nothing to address the real issues, it is absolute avoidance. The trauma isn’t healed and it sure as hell doesn’t go away. Instead it manifests and becomes deeper ingrained, how the fuck does a c/s serve to help that???
Fuck ‘choice’!
Saturday, 21 June 2008
omg there's a baby in there!
oh the hilarity! My blog is so quiet and boooooooring at the moment I thought I would post a bunch of belly pics to make it look like I am not a crap blogger LOL.Alrighty... (hope you don't mind see me in my undies...think you'll be seeing a little more than just that soon iykwim...
)14wksish:
18wksish:
27wksish:
31wksish:
And Jet's belly cos he wanted to get in on it too
Saturday, 10 May 2008
Quick preggo update
Had a midwife appt last week and keep forgetting to blog it, the sleep deprivation induced haze is pretty thick, LOL.
It was just a quick appt, she stayed for only an hour as opposed to the usual 2, because the 2nd midwife couldn't make it (she was with a labouring woman) and they want to come back in the next few weeks so she can catch up with me too.
My blood pressure was low (for me anyway) again, and is kind of interesting to me...in the hospital system with the previous pregnancies my blood pressure was starting to rise about now. Homebirth and home appts more relaxing perhaps?
She felt the baby move and we just basically chatted about stuff. The boys figured out how to use the blood pressure thingy which was pretty funny and then while rifling through her bag for cool stuff to play with, Jet sat on the doppler and turned it on, scaring the crap out of all of us LOL!
So there it is...all normal and boring without any stupid scary tests or pointless ultrasounds to talk about!
It was just a quick appt, she stayed for only an hour as opposed to the usual 2, because the 2nd midwife couldn't make it (she was with a labouring woman) and they want to come back in the next few weeks so she can catch up with me too.
My blood pressure was low (for me anyway) again, and is kind of interesting to me...in the hospital system with the previous pregnancies my blood pressure was starting to rise about now. Homebirth and home appts more relaxing perhaps?
She felt the baby move and we just basically chatted about stuff. The boys figured out how to use the blood pressure thingy which was pretty funny and then while rifling through her bag for cool stuff to play with, Jet sat on the doppler and turned it on, scaring the crap out of all of us LOL!
So there it is...all normal and boring without any stupid scary tests or pointless ultrasounds to talk about!
Friday, 25 April 2008
My little artist :)
The blog is being a little neglected right now...sorry bout that...oops!
Thought I would make it look a little interesting by sharing some pics I took this morning of Jet's artwork. I have been a slack mummy when it comes to rescuing a keeping his artwork before he and Indy decide that ripping paper is fun, oops! So when I saw this mornings pictures, I jumped on them!
Here we have an E and an F
a Z and a 4
Lots of I's an A and I think an L
And my favourite, a person!
And here is a pic of the fingerless gloves I made for a fellow Woolaholic for the I Love Lace swap, I hope she likes them!!
I have also been busy knitting a few baby items, not for my bub, but for Harriet...I can't show pics of them yet cos I want them to be a surprise for her mumma ;)
Not much else is new around here...still battling the nausea, gah, I can't believe it... 23wks+(ish, LOL) and still feeling awful. No vibes to what the gender is yet, though I have been told by a few people that they think I am having a boy. Is that because I have 2 already??? I'd say they have a 50/50 chance of being right, hahaha.
Maybe there's one of each in there...
Thought I would make it look a little interesting by sharing some pics I took this morning of Jet's artwork. I have been a slack mummy when it comes to rescuing a keeping his artwork before he and Indy decide that ripping paper is fun, oops! So when I saw this mornings pictures, I jumped on them!
Here we have an E and an F
a Z and a 4
Lots of I's an A and I think an L
And my favourite, a person!
And here is a pic of the fingerless gloves I made for a fellow Woolaholic for the I Love Lace swap, I hope she likes them!!
I have also been busy knitting a few baby items, not for my bub, but for Harriet...I can't show pics of them yet cos I want them to be a surprise for her mumma ;)
Not much else is new around here...still battling the nausea, gah, I can't believe it... 23wks+(ish, LOL) and still feeling awful. No vibes to what the gender is yet, though I have been told by a few people that they think I am having a boy. Is that because I have 2 already??? I'd say they have a 50/50 chance of being right, hahaha.
Maybe there's one of each in there...
Saturday, 29 March 2008
A brief update.
Thought I would just give a little update on the pregnancy side of stuff...I am still sick. Yep. 19+wks and still sick, fabulous! Little people poo is so not helping either!
So being sick all the time tires me out a lot, and the feel of yarn, any yarn, makes me feel blergh, means there's not much exciting things happening here.
I am horribly late with the lace swap through Woolaholics, I hope my swapee forgives me...eek.
There's not much to tell really...baby is moving LOTS sometimes it even makes me feel sicker, great! Apart from the fatigue and the sickness everything is going about as it should.
I have had 2 'appointments' with the midwives, 1 was with 1, the other with the other, LOL. Both consisted mostly of chatting about irrelevant stuff, ahhh love it!
As we aren't having any ultrasounds, we have decided not to use a doppler either and so the midwives will listen to the baby's heartbeat with a pinard (have a look here for a pic). I assume they'll have a go at the next appt, I'm not too fussed about it though, with the way its kicking me all the time I know its in there!!
um...I think that's about it!
So being sick all the time tires me out a lot, and the feel of yarn, any yarn, makes me feel blergh, means there's not much exciting things happening here.
I am horribly late with the lace swap through Woolaholics, I hope my swapee forgives me...eek.
There's not much to tell really...baby is moving LOTS sometimes it even makes me feel sicker, great! Apart from the fatigue and the sickness everything is going about as it should.
I have had 2 'appointments' with the midwives, 1 was with 1, the other with the other, LOL. Both consisted mostly of chatting about irrelevant stuff, ahhh love it!
As we aren't having any ultrasounds, we have decided not to use a doppler either and so the midwives will listen to the baby's heartbeat with a pinard (have a look here for a pic). I assume they'll have a go at the next appt, I'm not too fussed about it though, with the way its kicking me all the time I know its in there!!
um...I think that's about it!
Wednesday, 12 March 2008
remember me?
Yes I am STILL battling the dreaded morning sickness...its getting a bit ridiculous at 17wks!! Hopefully it eases off soon because it is so so so SO tiring! (Not to mention bloody annoying!)
So I just wanted to post to say I am still around! Still here!
Have been a little busy of late working on a new little project and I hope you will all come and check it out....
Hathor Birth Haven
Hope you are all well, and hopefully I'll be back blogging, knitting and crocheting as much as I would like to be really soon :)
So I just wanted to post to say I am still around! Still here!
Have been a little busy of late working on a new little project and I hope you will all come and check it out....
Hathor Birth Haven
Hope you are all well, and hopefully I'll be back blogging, knitting and crocheting as much as I would like to be really soon :)
Sunday, 27 January 2008
Still alive...just
I still here...
I'm just trying to wait out the morning sickness so I can function like a normal person again.
Just thought I would post in case anyone was wondering where I was.
(And because my poor blog is being neglected)
I'm just trying to wait out the morning sickness so I can function like a normal person again.
Just thought I would post in case anyone was wondering where I was.
(And because my poor blog is being neglected)
Friday, 4 January 2008
Happy New Blergh
*sigh*
Before I got pregnant I kept thinking how much I really wanted to try and enjoy this pregnancy, to try not and focus on the morning sickness and just soldier on through it....easy right? HA!
The New Year brought with it that familiar feeling....the 24/7 quease.
I feel like I can't eat or I will puke, and then I end up so hungry that if I don't eat I will puke. Or I feel like to make the feeling go away I need to eat more....and then I eat too much and feel like I will puke.
But I feel great.......
Before I got pregnant I kept thinking how much I really wanted to try and enjoy this pregnancy, to try not and focus on the morning sickness and just soldier on through it....easy right? HA!
The New Year brought with it that familiar feeling....the 24/7 quease.
I feel like I can't eat or I will puke, and then I end up so hungry that if I don't eat I will puke. Or I feel like to make the feeling go away I need to eat more....and then I eat too much and feel like I will puke.
But I feel great.......
Wednesday, 26 December 2007
~*Surprise!!!*~
It occurred to me just now that I haven't made an 'official' announcement, though I suspect anyone that reads knows already, having a ticker thingy helps, LOL. (I hate making the announcement. Which is why I usually go for subtle hints or simply including #3 on Christmas gift tags hehe)
I am pregnant.
So there you have it....
I am pregnant.
So there you have it....
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